Coronavirus. And deployment. All at once. This is fun right?
I was getting a little confident, thinking this deployment was almost over and I had done pretty well. Sure I moved home with my mom to have some help, but I had done holidays, an ER trip for the toddler, and had a baby all without my husband…and without completely losing my mind. So that was enough for me to be willing to call it a success.
There were even rumors of an early return. Jackpot right?
Well. That’s not happening. Thank you COVID-19
Everything right now is speculation and rumors. How will homecoming work? Will there be a quarantine period? Where would that be?
If I’m totally honest, I’m having a really hard time with this.
When my husband and I were dating, I missed going to his homecoming ceremony when he got back from Afghanistan because work wouldn’t give me a few hours off. Now I’m worried it’ll be taken away again. Yes. I know. In the big picture it’s not a big deal. But I wanted that moment. The excitement. The photographer getting pictures of him meeting his daughter. And the thought of not getting that just plain sucks.
Day in and day out I remind myself that the important thing is that he will eventually come home and we will be together as a family. He will meet his daughter. Oliver will be so excited to have his dad back. And it’s all going to be alright.
I tell myself I should be grateful because we could have it so much worse. It’s a rotational deployment so we are able to talk pretty much every day and he’s not lacking lost comforts of home. I should be grateful for those things and quit feeling sorry for myself…
But you know something? It’s ok to not be ok right now.
It’s ok to be tired and overwhelmed and physically and mentally exhausted. Deployment is hard enough without adding in another factor that just makes everything even more uncertain.
Someone will always have it worse, but that doesn’t make your struggle any less valid.
So if you are also going through a deployment during this virus pandemic, know you are not alone. And I hope you’ll give yourself a whole lot of grace. Because this is tough, but I know we are tougher!
PS be sure to check back tomorrow…I’ll be chatting about what I’m doing to help myself deal with the stress of this time.