I’m jealous of my deployed spouse

If you read that title and started nodding your head, hi! I’m glad you’re here. Let’s be friends.

If you read that title and thought I was insane, please read on then judge me after.

Deployment is hard

Deployment is hard for the service member. It’s hard for the spouse and the family and just pretty much anyone it affects.

Deployment means distance and sometimes danger. It means the service member is missing all the things happening at home. And those at home are trying to create a new normal while they are gone.

Jealousy during deployment is normal

For me, being jealous of my husband while he’s deployed is directly related to the stage of life we are in. While we were still dating, he went to Afghanistan. My life continued on pretty much as normal with a little more free time on weekends when we usually would have been hanging out.

Now life is totally different and him leaving. I did move home so I have some help with my kids, but solo parenting (even with really great help) is exhausting and all consuming.

Yes, my husband works long hours. And yes he can go for a few weeks without a day off. I’m not trying to make it sound less than it is. But every day when he sits down for a meal, he only has to feed himself. He gets a full night of sleep more often than not. When he has a day off, he can do pretty much whatever he wants.

As much as my mom tries to help, I am always “mom.” Especially now that I have a newborn who is breastfed and therefore always has to be near me!

My mom is an amazing help, but my deployed husband gets full days off. Truly off with no responsibilities. And I can truly say I’m jealous because I don’t remember what that feels like.

But I still wouldn’t trade

Just because I’m jealous doesn’t mean I would trade. My husband has missed the birth of his daughter and the first who knows how many months of her life. He’s missed holidays, birthdays, and milestones. More than anything he’s just missing the average day to day life. And as exhausting as it can be to live it, it is undeniably a gift.


Let me know in the comments: do you ever feel jealous of your spouse when they’re deployed or gone for training?

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