Trying to conceive. The world and general military spouse stereotypes would have you believe that the ability to just have babies comes naturally to military couples. Are you really even an Army wife if you don’t have multiple kids before 30? (Spoiler alert: Hi! Yup, totally possible and not the worst thing ever.)
But the truth is that sometimes it isn’t so easy. Even when you have nothing biologically “wrong,” military life can just plain get in the way.
And the fact that it feels like everyone else around you is pregnant can just add insult to injury.
I wanted to write this piece because I have been talking so much lately about motherhood and pregnancy…and I know how hard it can be to see someone else have such an “easy” time getting pregnant when they want to. So this is for all my ladies out there struggling with the wait for a pregnancy.
Nobody talks about trying to conceive. One day they magically announce a pregnancy but they rarely tell you how long it took them to get to that point. How many times they cried because they were not pregnant. Again.
To be fair, it didn’t take us that long. But it was longer than I wanted or expected. Our first happened so quickly that I just assumed it would this time too. I was so wrong and it made the waiting so much worse.
Now we all know how babies are made. And if you are familiar with military life it isn’t always so conducive to that. When your husband is out doing training for weeks/months at a time, it can certainly add some challenges. More like one really big stop sign I think. And to put it bluntly, that really really sucks.
Then you start putting pressure on yourself. Doing the backwards math, making a deadline for when the baby needs to be conceived/born in order for your husband to be there for the birth before heading off on a deployment.
When that deadline passes and you still aren’t pregnant, you do the math again. When does it have to happen so your husband can make it to the anatomy scan? An early elective gender ultrasound? The first dating ultrasound? Finding out about in person rather than Skype?
I’m leaving out trying to guess around trainings and schools and all the other random things the military throws your way…but I think you get the idea. And if you are reading this far there is a good chance you have lived through it. Or you are living it right now.
I don’t have any answers. There really aren’t any answers. Although people will probably tell you that everything happens for a reason. Or in God’s time. But that doesn’t really help at all. Because you want to have a baby and life, military spouse life, is making it really really hard.
I don’t have any answers, but I can reassure you that you are not alone. Seeing all the women around you pregnant or carrying their babies it can feel like you are the only one, but I can promise you that you are not alone. Before this chapter of my life, I was there. And it sucked. It really really sucked. So if you need someone to talk to, I am here. Because the more we talk about it, the less lonely it feels. And maybe that doesn’t change the most important thing, but it can help while you wait.
If you feel like sharing your story or struggle of trying to conceive as a military spouse I would love to hear from you!